BauerBack

"24" is back and no one could be more happy about that than me. However, we're 2 hours in and I have some issues with the new season.

1) The new President, Wayne Palmer. I just can't buy into the leader of the free world, the most powerful man on the planet...wearing a goatee. He is the least presidential looking of all the series' presidentes. Plus he's got the shaved head thing going. And he looks like he's about 32 years old. He looks like a stuntman in a nice suit. Also, what is with this gravely voice of his? Why is he constantly doing a Clint Eastwood impression? No way this guy gets elected looking and talking like the leader of a S.W.A.T. team.

2) I don't buy for one second this premise of the U.S. trading Jack Bauer's life for a tip to Assad, the man presumed to be behind the string of terrorist attacks. It has been firmly established in various movies and TV shows (including this one I wanna say) that the United States does not under any circumstances negotiate with terrorists. It just doesn't happen. They don't send heroes like Jack Bauer to the slaughter for "tips" that will help them catch terrorists; they employ such heroes and entrust them with the task of catching the terrorists and bringing them to justice. Much like he's done for 5 seasons now. Sorry, don't buy it. Luckily, they seemed to have moved past that plot point within the first hour.

3) There is no way the U.S. military fires a missile into a suburban home without visual confirmation that the home is the terrorist base they were hoping to find. This mysterious Fayed calls and gives them a location and they just take his word for it? "Target acquired. Fire missile." "Are we sure this terrorist guy is actually there? How do we know this guy didn't give us the coordinates of the Anderson Family just moved here from Green Bay, Wisconsin?" "Dude, weren't you there? The mysterious Fayed told us this is where Assad is. That's good enough for me. FIRE!" There's just no way. Five seasons of this show has taught us that they would have had to stake out the house and get a visual confirmation that Assad is actually in the house before they blow it up. I can still picture the bouncer/president standing over the speakerphone all perplexed. What do you mean we didn't get him?! He wasn't home?!

Stripes reference too good to pass up:

Stillman: Fire when ready, corporal.
Corporal: What coordinates, sir?
Stillman: "Coordinates??" The only way to learn something is to do it! Now fire that mortar!!

4) Casting. It's not that the actors were unbelievable or performing poorly in their roles (except El Jefe, of course, as stated above), but it really took me out of the story when these actors would pop up that I would recognize from other roles that were the furthest possible role from anything "24." Regina King pops up as Sandra Palmer, the Prez's sister, and all I can think about for the next 15 seconds is "Jerry Maguire." The FBI agent who shows up at her office is the fuckin' ponytail guy from the bar in "Goodwill Hunting." You know, the "do you like apples" guy. Then in the suburban subplot, The Terrorist Next Door, Ahmed, is the guy that was just in that last Van Wilder movie! We just saw him all over TV getting manhandled by strippers in a college dorm room! Again, not that he doesn't do a mean terrorist, but I laughed when I saw him. No one should be laughing during "24." Oh I just remembered one more!!! The neighbor that Ahmed shoots is none other than Big John from "Can't Buy Me Love!" I can't wait to see who they throw at us next.

Does this mean I am not already thoroughly enraptured by the new season? Of course not. I am most definitely IN. I'm just sayin...it's not perfect so far. I can barely contain my anticipation for the second half of the 4-hour, 2-night premiere event.