Sunday, May 23, 2010


Do you ever have those times when there is a word on the tip of your tongue, but you have some sort of temporary mental block preventing you from remembering what it is and spitting it out?

I don't remember what the context was but, I had such a crisis about 2 months ago and today the word popped right back in there. The word was:


There, now it is on public record and the next time I forget it, I know just where I can find it. Humor me.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Say what?

My boss was born and raised in Germany. He did not learn English until he moved to the U.S. By now his English is fantastic, but we do often discuss American sayings, what they mean, what the origin is, etc. We were also just discussing the realm of nuts. It is a little slow right now in case you couldn't tell. But anyway, it got me thinking...

I submit to you that the saying "greatest thing since sliced bread" should forever be changed to "greatest thing since shelled pistachios." Let me tell you why. How hard is it to slice bread really? As long as you have a serrated knife, it takes two seconds. Was sliced bread a wonderful invention and a huge leap forward for mankind (and ducks)? Of course. I'm just saying if we didn't have it, we could still get by just fine. But pistachios...

Pistachios are far and away the best tasting of all nuts. This point is not open for discussion. However, I will often shy away from the deliciousness of the pistachios because they are such a pain in the ass to get out of their shells. It's no coincidence that the best nut is also the highest maintenance nut. It's one of nature's classic jokes. So when they started selling the pre-shelled pistachios, that, to me, was the defining moment of greatness to which all others should be compared against. There was only two periods in time, Before Shelled Pistachios and After Shelled Pistachios, or B.S.P. and A.S.P. 'Twas the vortex, my friends.

The cooler with wheels, that was also a great invention. One might say it was the greatest thing since shelled pistachios.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Two Common Phrases That Are Long Overdue For Retirement

1) "Really?"

As in the SNL Weekend Update segment. As in, "Come on. Really? Really, Officer? You're gonna give me a ticket for jaywalking? Really?"

2) "I like where your head's at."

Monday, May 17, 2010

Thank You

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their good anniversary wishes. It's weird, cool thing these anniversaries. Kind of like having your birthdays on the same day. Anyway, I was really touched by all the texts we received over the weekend. Thank you for remembering and taking the time to wish us well. It was a beautiful weekend. Really could not have been better. Now I am back at work and feeling like shit (just tired, sick), but I'll post pictures later!

Friday, May 07, 2010

Where's a genie when you need one?

Can I just say that if I had a wish, it might be that I could just BE Will Ferrell? I feel like he is the living incarnation of the life I dreamed of.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Pants? Check. Shoes? Check. Starbucks cup in hand? Check.

There is a girl at work here who walks in every single day, without exception, carrying a grande or venti Starbucks cup. She's a very nice person and this is not really about her, but it got me thinking...

Not so much about the roughly $350 a year that adds up to, but rather, what does that cup really stand for, aside from the obvious caffeination. My theory is that some people rely on the Starbucks cup as a symbol of power or readiness. Think about it, a person carrying a Starbucks cup (grande or larger--don't even try to come up in here with your "tall" boy) has more visual cache than a person without one, or so the theory goes. I think these people are using it as a crutch, something to occupy their hands, subconsciously sensing this cup gives them an air of authority or general with-it-ness. It's like a clipboard, a walkie, or a headset in that way. And who knows, maybe they're right. Maybe it works.

**As I googled to find an image for this, I found many photos of Hollywood actresses with their Starbucks, talking on their cell phones. I guess a second theory might be that it's a way to look cool too.

Folk or Fight

Joni Mitchell in a recent LA Times interview:

"Bob is not authentic at all. He's a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is a deception. We are like night and day, he and I."

Them's fightin' words! This is the kind of bulletin board material that can only end in a face-to-face showdown! Can I promote this?


Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Sweet Sweet Summer

Summer is here. We've seen flashes over the last few weeks, but it was always followed by rain or gail force winds. Maybe it's just that I am really feeling the mood, but I think this time it might be here to stay.

Last night, we drove down to Long Beach to see David Sedaris. Carpool lane was wiiiiiide open. We were cruising along like we were riding a monorail, eating sandwiches and listening to my new Diana Krall album. I've never really thought about jazz as summer beach music, but this really worked well. I was probably taking a visual from the tranquil shore scenes in the inside cover art, but there was a romantic elegance to the music that had me hearkening back to a peaceful afternoon in the Caribbean, sipping rum punch and watching the sun set. Before you roll your eyes, you should know that I wrote that last sentence in my best Ron Burgundy voice. We got down to LB in time to have a preshow glass of wine out on the terrace. The view was nothing spectacular, but I was reminded how good it feels to be outside on a warm summer night.

Last night was the opening act today's headliner. Sunny and warm, I drove down to the mall at lunch, windows down, blaring the feel-good music of The Samples. They're a 90s band from Colorado that play kind of unpolished, jam band music that reminds me of what Sting might sound like if he had a side project back in the day. Pottery Barn was all shells, nautical decor, and bright patio dining umbrellas. I felt like I was in the Hamptons. And I've never even been to the Hamptons. Walking into Williams-Sonoma was, as usual, like walking into someone's house at dinner time, smelling something incredible, and knowing you can't stay. Today they were roasting pork with some heavenly seasoned Chipotle marinade. Alas, it was not ready yet. Instead I drooled over the pineapple margarita mix and the Ad Hoc Chocolate Frosting (chocolate knows no season in my book).

I'm telling you, it was really really hard to come back to work. To rub margarita salt in my wounds, somebody pulled up to me at the first stoplight riding...a classic green Vespa. So now I am imagining puttering on my scooter through the cobblestone villages of Tuscany or Provence, shopping for local art and fresh bread, cheese, and wine for dinner. However, doing simple, repetitive math in a window-less, climate-controlled office is a close second.

Summer is out there, I tell you. It's waiting for me. I've got my deck shoes on and I am ready to go. And it's only Wednesday. At this rate, I'll be rolling into work on Friday wearing a grass skirt and a sombrero.

!Cinco De Mayo!

Most asinine thing you will hear today, most likely several times:

"I'm not Mexican."

OOooooohhh so you believe that we should only celebrate the holidays that apply directly to us rather than celebrating the many cultures and people of this world. Hey, if you want to live that way, you go right ahead. Personally, I relish the opportunity to celebrate anything. I'm a celebrator. You don't need to be Irish to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. You can be a Roman Catholic and still find beauty in Chanukah. You can be Republican and still go green for Arbor Day*. When in Rome, I say!


*While already celebrated by several states, Republican President Richard Nixon proclaimed the last Friday in April to be National Arbor Day. We just missed it! Damn it!

Monday, May 03, 2010

Music Mania!!!!!

Lot of action lately.

I got my first review up on T-Bone's music blog. I spent about two hours last weekend digging for new music and finding some unbelievable stuff, like Joshua James.

Saturday night we went to see Stephen Kellogg (awesome) open for Needtobreathe (very disappointing). As usual, I made an ass of myself gushing over Mr. Kellogg at the merch table. "Your music cuts straight to my heart" was bad. I think I hit rock bottom with "I like to go running. I know a lot of people like to run to hip hop but your music really gets me going." Yes, I really said that. Did I mean everything I said? Yes, I did, so I shouldn't feel THAT bad, but still.....embarassing. This is what I do, which is why, seven times out of ten when presented with the opportunity to say thank you to an artist whose work has touched my life, I will opt not to. Anyway, he signed my poster "Thank you for the kind words," which is great, of course, as it will remind me of those words every time I see it. Sigh.

Then on Sunday was that Amoeba Garage Sale. It was intense. I met Bernie and T-Bone there and when we finally walked out, we realized we had been down there for two solid hours. I think I blacked out at one point. Still, it was worth it. CDs and vinyl for a buck each. And we're not talking Color Me Badd here. There was some great stuff in there. I don't even recall everything I brought home but here is a small sample:

Oscar Peterson Trio
Top Gun soundtrack (yeah, I said it)
Miles Davis & Gil Evans
Billy Joel
Glen Campbell
Diana Krall
Duke Ellington
Benny Goodman
Ben Kweller
The Samples
Jackson Browne
Steve Martin

Did I mention I found the Willie Nelson, Don Williams, and Ron Sexsmith I needed at Fingerprints last weekend? I haven't even looked at the flash drive filled with tunes that Bernie gave me. I'm neck deep, I tell ya, neck deep! Put your dancin' shoes on 'cause we're pushing straight on through 'til morning!

As if this were not enough, the James Taylor/Carole King album comes out tomorrow. Does this entry age the shit out of me even beyond the years I've actually lived? Probably. But hey, good music is good music. I'll come back with some indie emo-rock tomorrow.

What's for dinner

Every weekend I seem to eat worse than the last. This weekend included, burgers (2 times), fries, beer, chips, pizza, more beer, and a quesadilla. Oh yeah, and burgers a third time (forgot about the late night McDonald's). Dear Lord. I do so well Monday through Thursday and then the wheels come off the wagon...and the wagon carenes into a vat of grease.