Friday, June 30, 2006


Have a safe, sane, and altogether pleasant weekend, my compatriots.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Spicey Latinas (and other news)

--I crave The Claim Jumper like no other today.

--Good news, I am a published co-author! As most of you know, my friend Meghan works for Playboy, writing copy for their porn sites. This morning she needed a fresh voice while trying to come up with a hook for the upcoming Latina Channel on one of their sites. After a few minutes of careful creative collaboration, we came up with the following:

These Spicey Latinas prove what a hot tamale really is. Going south of the border never looked so good.

Man, it sure feels good to be writing again.

--Do you ever have those "only in LA" moments? Moments that might not literally only happen in Los Angeles yet they seem to embody the city or the image of the city to a T. I had such a moment yesterday...I picked up the special BBQ issue of "Bon Apetit" magazine this week at the sto and happened upon a recommendation for a restaurant in Santa Monica called Wilshire. They spoke highly of the patio experience there. So I went to Citysearch to read more about it. I happened upon the following User Review:

Posted by
yrrogers on 04/02/2006
I was disappointed in Wilshire. My friend and I arrived Sat. night at 10:20 pm and had to wait in line. The line attendant was very rude and filled with false self importance. After about 10 minutes we got in. The crowd was older (30-40) and not that attractive. We wanted to check out the back bar but a bouncer was guarding the entrance like it was Fort Knox. We got vodka sodas and they were $11 each. We didn't eat anything so I can't comment on the food. When we left 40 minutes later there was no line and the bouncer seemed disappointed and bored. I wouldn't go back there or recommend it.

Obviously, Mr. or Mrs. Rogers has a couple of relevant points. If the staff was unfriendly or snotty, I would like to know that before I commit to the restaurant. The line that stands out to me is when Rogers says "The crowd was older (30-40) and not that attractive. " Well, shit, I really wanted to try the place out but if only the ugly people eat there, forget it. What's the point of going to a restaurant where there's no attractive people, right? Who can eat when surrounded by such hags? What about the fact that Rogers and Co. felt compelled to write a restaurant review despite the fact that they did not eat at the restaurant?

I swear...only in LA would someone rate a restaurant based almost entirely on how beautiful the patrons were.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Razor at the ready...

I am getting bored with my moustache. I think its days are definitely numbered.

"Strong men also cry..."

So here's what happened. Bernie and Kathy (lovers) were in New York, strolling through Central Park as lovers often do. They happened upon a picturesque bridge and Bernie had the wild idea to take a picture. He asked an unknown passerby if he wouldn't mind taking a picture of he and Kathy. So he hands him the camera and goes back to Kathy to pose for the photo. BUT(!) rather than posing, he pulls an engagement ring from his pocket, takes a knee and proposes marriage...all whilst the stranger is capturing the entire scene on digital media in a series of six photographs. I have only displayed one of them here, but the series covers it all: the initial "whaaa?" as he is still standing and pulling something from his pocket, the realization and subsequent joy when he takes a knee, the flood of tears and emotion, the slipping of the ring onto the finger and the smile as it all becomes real. It's impossible to look at these photos and not get a little choked up! Isn't that the coolest thing? How many people have this moment captured on "film?" How many people have photos that capture the raw emotions of any significant moment in their lives? It's just a rare thing to be able to record because you never know when they are going to occur and when they do, you're often preoccupied with living them. Sure, we all have graduation photos (assuming you graduated), wedding photos (assuming you're married), but how precious is it to have a moment as intimate as a proposal captured for all time? I would equate it to having a photo of one's first kiss. Isn't that coolest?

Way to go, Bernie. Good show, ol' boy. Good show indeed.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Power of Postage and "Mahogany"

--I went to the post office over lunch and while I was there, I observed their upcoming series of stamps, the "Stop Domestic Violence" collection. I'm all for stopping domestic violence, but aren't some causes just too big to be tackled with postage stamps?

--I also went to buy a greeting card and, for whatever reason, a certain type of card really stood out to me. I'm talking about the African-American cards. You've seen them, they're the cards with prominent drawings of African-Americans on them. I remember when I used to work at Hallmark the series was called "mahogany" which is another issue in and of itself. But anyway, why are these cards necessary when every other card-buying race is represented in one racially-unspecific pool of cards? Are the sentiments contained in greeting cards not universal? Do African-Americans say "Happy Birthday" differently than the rest of humanity? I gave three Father's Day cards this year and none of them featured a human figure on them at all much less a specific drawing of a Caucasian man. Was there a "Birch Wood" collection that I missed? I'm not sure if the technology is there yet, but I think the next revolution will allow us to buy cards where we can have the skin color added custom, right there at the point of sale. "Excuse me, this card is for my friend who is half Portuguese, one quarter Ugandan, and one quarter Taiwanese. Can you shade the skin color accordingly? Do you sell stamps?" I realize that these Afro-centric cards are just an option and that not all thoughtful, card-giving African-Americans are prone to buy these cards. It actually wouldn't surprise me if the sales demographics for African-American cards were similar to those of African-American-dominated rap music, i.e. mostly white kids trying to be cool or funny. Why were these created? Were Hallmark and American Greetings attempting to be sensitive and forward-thinking or was there a public outcry for these cards? Doesn't it seem like one of those times when the whole family is eating beef tenderloin but little Jimmy wants to be difficult and insists that Mom make him some Spaghetti-O's? Okay, let's assume for a second that the Mahogany Collection is not a little weird and is socially justified and loved by all races of this multi-cultural community. Why are the Mahogany cards always such shitty cards? They're never funny and rarely poignant. They're the cards that look they were thrown together in five minutes at the end of the day on a Friday before a holiday weekend. Is this not racism?

Bring us the funk, gotta have that funk

I was in an inexplicable funk yesterday and it seems to have carried over into today. Couldn't tell you what the cause is. I have no idea. Nothing on my mind, nothing particularly bothering me (other than Michelle Branch, of course). Kind of a mental, emotional mononucleosis type of thing. I don't know what I want and I don't want anything. Tired, just want to lay down and read...or sleep.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Fuck you too, Michelle Branch.

In a recent interview with People Magazine, recording artist Michelle Branch was asked how her parents felt when she first started dating her 41-year-old husband, bassist Teddy Landau. Her reply?

"My parents hated the idea--and now love him, of course. My dad never wanted me to be with a musician. I mean, how unrealistic is that? I'm not going to fall for an accountant!"

Of course not! What a zany notion! Accountants are so boring. All they think about is numbers. All they are capable of comprehending or discussing are digits and cost reports. It's not like they are unique, interesting individuals who have opinions and passions about things outside of their life at work. There's just no way that someone as artistic and deep as Michelle Branch could possibly ever fall in love with someone that simple. It's laughable! HA!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Somebody pass me a PBR.

Airline Safety

As my backpack rolled through the x-ray machine at my British Airways gate at the airport in Prague, I noticed a sign listing prohibited items such as pocket knives, box cutters, and corkscrews as well as a big container where those and other items had been confiscated. At that point, I remembered that I had a corkscrew in my backpack and I thought for sure I was going to be pulled aside for a body cavity search. Nope. Out rolled by backpack with the corkscrew, which also has a small knife for cutting the foil from a wine bottle, safely stowed inside. When we connected in London, I tested the security there as well and, sure enough, it made it through again. Comforting chain of events, no?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Some pics....

The Churches/Cathedrals/Basilicas were otherwordly gorgeous

While I was disappointed to see that every one of the beautiful cities we visited was defaced with ridiculous amounts of grafitti (literally evrywhere), it was nice to see some of the little hooligans hearts' were in the right place

Prague at night....quite haunting

I was reluctant at first but Prague did ultimately claim the crown (pun intended) for the Best Beer in the World. Pssst.....we brought home 20 pints in our luggage.

On the Charles Bridge



The Astronomical Clock at Old Town Square in Prague

At a Hoyergen (wine village thingy) on the fringe of Vienna

Fans of "Before Sunrise" will understand why the wheel at Prater was so exciting

We would later kiss...but we did not make out.

World's Largest Wienerschnitzel

And I killed it!

The Hofburg Palace in Vienna...if you're into that sort of thing

The overnight train rides were what I imagine sleeping on a submarine must be like, claustrophobic

But the scenery was nice when we were conscious

I shit myself at this point.

Gelato, twice a day everyday. No lie.

Venezia! (I have every intention of using Photoshop to remove the unsightly crane in the background)

Yeah yeah yeah Notre Dame...

Museum D'Orsay

Any fans of "Before Sunset" will understand why this bookstore was so exciting to visit

This was at a very cool underground jazz club in Pear-E

Turns out alcoholics look the same in most countries.....I also learned that "Jack Daniels" is one of the few words that translates the same in any language

Callled SmartCars......until you get totalled by a collision with a Mini at 25 Kph at which point they become IdioticCars

Coffee (cafe) on Champs Elysees in gay Pear-E

No stowaways! Walk the plank, feline froline!

And We're Back!

This is where my mind thinks I am right now.