I HAVE BEEN TO THE PROMISED LAND!

Cruiser and I accidentally walked into the womens' bathroom at Angel Stadium.

I could have sworn the sign said "Men" when I glanced up to check. Now that I think about it, the entrance was around a slight curve so what I saw probably did say "Men," with the "W" and "O" most likely obstructed from view by the wall. So it was an innocent mistake.

We strolled right in. The first thing I noticed was that this bathroom had no urinals. I saw this as a positive since the urinals on the View level have no dividers between them anyway. Poor people are not thought to care about the lack of decorum in watching each other pee, I guess. Then I looked to the sink and saw women, no fewer than four. There was a solid split second where no one said a thing. Then I thought aloud, "Are we in the womens' room?"

"Yes, we are," confirmed The Cruiser.

We quickly turned and took a hastened few steps back the way we had come. As daylight pulled us back into the normal world, it registered that one of them answered, "Yeah. Nice job."

We couldn't help but laugh at ourselves, giddy from embarrassment, as we navigated ourselves twelve feet further to the bathroom where we belonged. It looked virtually the same as the womens' but in our minds it was quite different.

I used a stall to pee.

One year ago today...

...I was on en route to The City of Light as part of a two-week, four-city, European tour. Today, I am in Burbank. (Sigh) I shall pay tribute to the trip today with a pic from each city and this weekend I shall commemorate it with a Czech beer that's been in my fridge for a year and a Cuban cigar (just kidding, ATF)!

Spitting in the Face of a Stereotype

So I am at the post office purchasing the requisite 2-cent stamps to bring my 39-centers up to snuff. On my way out, I spy a massive SUV cruising down the street with (I'm guessing) 20" fancy rims, a stereo system bumpin' at full blast and its African-American driver rockin' out with great energy to the song. Normally, based on experience, you would expect the song to be something from the realm of hip-hop or rap, right? Something like your Chingys, your Young Jeezys, maybe a 50-Cent, but in this case you would be dead wrong (sucka!).

This guy was bumpin' John Mellencamp's "Jack & Diane" and he was loving every second of it.

How 'bout that?

The Bob Sugars of the World

Sometimes you find something or someplace that is really fun and/or special but has been able to fly under the radar of popularity. Maybe it's not totally off the grid, but it's still small enough to still be manageable. And then it blows up. Some celebrity is "seen" there or they set a popular movie there or the damn LA Times devotes 4 pages and the cover of the fuckin' Weekend section to it and the next thing you know it's overrun with crowds and is virtually ruined for those who had been quietly enjoying it for years. I fear this is about to happen to me and I am not happy about it. The good news is that it's always temporary. The novelty wears off and things eventually go back to normal. Is this only a problem in big cities, I wonder?

On that same note, does it bother anyone else when celebrities start showing up at certain sports teams' games just because they're the hot topic of the moment and going to their games is suddenly "cool?" I remember back in '02 I had never seen a single celebrity at an Angels game. Ever. Oh but suddenly they're in the World Series and Pierce Brosnan and John Travolta show up and are suddenly Angels fans. It was ridiculous. A more recent example is Owen Wilson, Kate Hudson, Snoop Dogg, and others showing up out of the blue at Golden State Warriors' games. I shouldn't say out of the blue because anybody could have seen it coming. As soon as the Warriors started going on a run of success and people started talking about them, the spotlight-chasing celebs were bound to show up, no doubt smiling wide under their crisp new Warriors hats. And not only did they show up, but thousands of other bandwagon fans jumped on board too and killed the energy the arena was thumping with before the rest of the country thought the Warriors had a chance. Simmons explained this too (I can't find it or I would link). Snoop Dogg might be the worst of the lot because while Wilson and Hudson have surely been spotted at Lakers and Knicks games, they are not known as legitimate fans like Snoop Dogg who loves to be proud of "his" Lakers when they are on top and any other team when they are flying high, even a team from the Lakers' division apparently. If we looked in his closet right now, how many different teams' jerseys do you think we'd find? 15? 20? I guess all we would need to do is look at which teams have won anything the past 10 years. Pretty sure he was wearing a Cardinals jersey in October last year. I wonder where that is today. And I am not forgetting that he is supposedly a big SC fan either. He's not off the hook. In fact, I am hereby banning him from all contact with the team. Take a walk, Dogg.

The whole thing to me is really a lot like the movie "Jerry Maguire," as are most things in life. Two scenes: 1) when Bob Sugar tries to talk to Rod Tidwell before his big Monday Night Football watershed game and 2) when Sugar is standing with a client and the client sees Jerry and Rod and asks "why don't we have that kind of relationship?" Of course, Sugar tries to hug his client. The reaction being It's too late, Bob! Jerry laid this all out on paper and you fired him, ya prick! Don't try to jump on the Maguire bandwagon now!

Pathetic, heartless, soul-less. Up yours, celebs! Sports teams mean something to people! They are not to be made trendy!

"Has the whole world gone crazy?! Am I the only one who gives a shit about the rules?!"

From the story Bonds' Brother Bothered By Baseball Snub:

Bobby Bonds Jr. does not know for certain if his famous older brother took steroids, but he believes Barry deserves better treatment from Major League Baseball as he approaches Henry Aaron's career home run record.

In an interview with the Newark Star-Ledger, Bobby Bonds Jr. says he's bothered that commissioner Bud Selig has not committed to being present when Barry hits home run Nos. 755 and 756 -- and that Aaron has said he'll be elsewhere playing golf when the moment comes.

"Especially Hank Aaron," Bonds Jr., whose late father played in the same era as Aaron, told the newspaper. "Hank Aaron does not even want to support Barry. Being a black man going through what he went through in the past and not supporting my brother, it kind of makes me look at him like, 'Are you serious, brother? Are you serious?' "

Oh I get it now...Hank Aaron is supposed to show up to Barry's games because they're both Black. Of course! Riiiight.....because Aaron dealt with outward racism and death threats in his breaking of a White man's record so, of course, he should support Barry's quest to break that very record whilst enduring the oppression of his private Lay-Z-Boy and flatscreen TV in the locker room and, oh yeah, the Commissioner's inattention! Are YOU serious, brother? Are YOU serious? P.S. Your brother is a giant asshole, which just might have something to do with it.

"Cut the steroids out, just look at my brother as a human being. He stole bases, he ran, he caught the ball," Bonds Jr. told the Star-Ledger. "It's so hard to justify what's going on with baseball and how they're treating him."

Okay, let's cut the steroids out. Consider it done. Unfortunately, we're also gonna have to cut out a large number of those homeruns. They appear to be somehow attached to one another. Sorry.

From the story whose headline should have read Suns continue to cry about being punished for breaking the rules or The Only Time I Have Liked David Stern:

In an interview with Dan Patrick on ESPN Radio, David Stern defended the suspensions, saying that Stoudemire and Diaw brought the punishment upon themselves. He also scoffed at Patrick's insistence that Horry will decide the outcome of the series with his foul on Nash.

"It's being decided because two Phoenix Suns who knew about the rule, forgot about, couldn't control themselves or had coaches who couldn't control them," Stern said.

A-FREAKIN' MEN, PAPA STERN!!

Stern said if the owners would like to change the rule in the offseason, he'd be happy to do it. But he also predicted there wouldn't be a repeat of this in the playoffs because of the punishment Stoudemire and Diaw received.

I agree, if you want to change the rule IN THE OFFSEASON, that's fine and dandy. You can't expect them to change it on the fly just to serve your team's interests.

Suns coach Mike D'Antoni ripped the NBA's decision on Wednesday.

"You know we do have the most powerful microscopes and telescopes in the world in Arizona," Phoenix coach Mike D'Antoni said after the Suns' morning shootaround. "You could use those instruments and not find a shred of fairness or common sense in that decision."

Mike, the rule says if you leave the bench you get suspended for 1 game. They left the bench and got suspended for 1 game. That's the textbook definition of "fairness" and "common sense." Put your microscope away and go find a dictionary.

The rule, strictly enforced in the past, is aimed at preventing a fight from escalating into a full-scale brawl.

"I know for a fact that Boris Diaw would never, ever be in a fight," D'Antoni said.

Diaw IS French so he might actually have a point here.

"I know that. To suspend him for going to Steve Nash, for looking and curiosity, that's a little harsh."

Again, Mike, the rule doesn't say "if you join in the fight," the rule is in regards to LEAVING THE BENCH. The rule is set up the way it is precisely for this reason, so that the league is not left to judge who left the bench to fight and who went out of "curiosity." Nor should psychological profiles ascertained by the player's coach be needed.

The Frenchman Diaw said he could not remember being in a fight, even as a kid.

Very relevant information.

"I've been in the NBA for four years and I haven't got even one technical foul," Diaw said. "I was just looking to see that Steve was all right."

Monsieur Diaw, see above about what the rule does and does not say.

But he agreed he should have known better than to walk toward Nash.

"You fight against your instincts, but you've got to overcome that," Diaw said. "That was my mistake to walk a few feet toward Steve."

SO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU BROKE THE FUCKING RULE THEN! Why are we still talking then?!

Stoudemire abandoned his excuse that he was trying to check in to the game.

"I know you can't step on the court and at that time it was a natural reaction," he said.

SO YOU TOO ADMIT YOU BROKE THE RULE! Tell your damn coach!

"I was more concerned about Steve's health, and I got penalized for it."

Translation: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." The rules don't give a shit about your intentions, Amare. They only care about your actions.

Ya know what really chaps my ass? The way I have been hearing for a couple years now that "if you're not a fan of the Phoenix Suns, then you're not a fan of basketball." Talk about a load of bullshit. I happen to love basketball and you can mark this post down as reason number 257 why I hate the Suns. Bravo, NBA! Spurs, in the words of Sensei John Creese, "Finish Him!" I hope you have better luck than the Cobra Kai did.

P.S. I realize how angry this post reads, but I'm in a great mood today. No, really. :-)

This is not 'Nam

--I could not have been more wrong about "The Bourne Ultimatum." Sure, some of it takes place in New York, but, judging by the trailer, it is still very much an international spy thriller and very much AWESOME. I am Pumped (not the capitalization).

--Speaking of movies, now that "Spiderman 3" is out of the way (best of the series!), I am very excited to see "Once," "Paris Je T'Aime," and (still) "Avenue Montaigne."

--Boris Diaw and Amare Stoudemire HAVE TO BE suspended for Game 5 and anyone who thinks they should not be is an anarchist and a hypocrite. "This is not 'Nam. There are rules."

--It's officially Wedding Season and I could not be more pleased. I do love weddings.

--No real job leads as of yet. I remain vigilant and hopeful. On one hand, I would love to find something before I leave here so I could pocket my vacation and "severance" payout and get a TV. On the other hand, it would be nice to have a little time off between jobs. I don't think I could enjoy it much though if I didn't know where the next month's rent was coming from. I'm cursed that way.

--I wish it would rain for 12 straight days. To me, most things are more fun in the rain.

--One thing I love about Netflix is the stark contrast of the two movies it will ship me from my queue. Coming my way today is "28 Days Later" and "The Shop Around the Corner." I get a chuckle out of that.

"Finally, somebody said it!"

Counting Crows singer and Cal Commi Adam Duritz has recently created a "webzine" called Down The Rabbit Hole where he writes (passionately, I'd say) about music, books, TV, and movies that he loves. In his first two issues alone, he's devoted space to The Sportswriter, which I had just finished when I found his site, and Jackson Browne, a deeply cherished personal favorite of mine (see text of blog address). Of course, while it's cool to read how other people have been affected by the same works as I have, the best part of the 'zine, I think, is that it leads me to catch on to things I otherwise probably wouldn't have. For example, last night I watched AD's "Romance of the Week," a movie made in 2000 called "Two Family House" and I thought it was fantastic. A really sincere, heartfelt movie. I think this webzine of AD's is a really great thing and I wish I could do something similar more often without getting overruled by the little voices inside that whisper, "No one cares." How ridiculous is it to censor myself on my own friggin' blog as if it were an actual conversation with someone? No longer, I say! From this day forth, if I wanna do 300 words on "Diner," then damn it, I'm gonna. And obviously, if it's not interesting to you, you will navigate away to something that more aptly blows your dress up. I'm fine with that. In the meantime, AD waxes about Jackson Browne's first four albums better than I ever could.

Thanks, Adam Duritz. Cal still sucks ass.

"And then depression set in."

Every day this week, I have been more tired than the last. I just wanna be on my couch watching the Star Wars Trilogy and drifting in and out of consciousness randomly. Fuck it, Conrad and I are hitting the cages and Best Buy at lunch. I'll swing my way out of this slump, dammit! And then I'll buy some CDs and DVDs that I probably can't afford! Yeah, that's the ticket!

Seattle and Other Shite

Rent-A-Cruiser!

You caught the bouquet! Greeeeeat...(I keed)

Riding Rachel

Where Starbucks was born

Like the wall says

Chewing the fat with VW-eating Fremont Troll

Pioneer Square area

This is after the cop said via megaphone, "Show me your dance moves." After dancing, the man would resume his usual cop-cursing, talking to himself, raving lunatic behavior.

--It's a weird feeling applying for jobs...a rare vulnerability. Quite humbling.

--Saw some old friends at the wedding, of course, and it occurred to me...Why have people stopped calling me The King, dammit? Cruiser gets to be Cruiser. Brasky gets to be Brasky. Conrad gets to be Conrad. I've been The King since 8th grade! What happened? Let's get back to that, I say.

--I am finally willing to admit it...this is the absolute worst season of "24" yet. Last night's episode made no damn sense. When they shot Milo, I was like "Thank God" because it meant one less character to hinge all the lame-ass CTU social circle subplots on. I'm guessing that's not the reaction they were going for. This is not the kind of momentum I wanted them to carry into the "24" movie that goes into production after this season.

--Meanwhile, "The Shield" is the best show on television that, it would seem, no one is watching. I know no one that watches it so I have no one to talk to about it. Not that there's much to say other than, "Awesome!!!!!"

--I'm almost finished with "The History of Love" and, while I really like it, I'm not ashamed to say that I am also utterly confused by it. BZ, I will need you to explain it to me once I'm done.

--I don't care if Jesus himself wanted to pitch for my team, I would NOT stand for this b.s. Roger Clemens is pulling again about only traveling with the team when he will be starting a game on the trip. First the Astros sold out be letting him be bigger than the team, but the New York Yankees are stooping to this level now too? The times they are a changin'. The Angels might not have the 26 titles, the legend, or the tradition, but I am proud to say they would never let this shit fly.

--I'm on Week 4 of the Broken Car CD Player Era. I can't tell you how difficult it is. I can feel my lifeforce slowly seeping out of me. I'm knockin' on the door of madness, my friends.

"...The Fish Are Coming With Me!"

More on getting my walking papers...

So I have until June 15th. 23 vacation days paid out. Severance package pending.

Truthfully, I'm really not massively upset about the whole thing. It's kind of like the It's-Not-You-It's-Me breakup of professional relationships though. One day they tell you that it's been a rough year for the company and they are being forced to cut back and it's not performance-based, etc. etc. And then the next morning you get your normal e-mail from the head of the corporation boasting about the company's great First Quarter:

We achieved strong results in the first quarter – exceeding our own expectations, as well as Wall Street’s, for profitability. Our revenues rose 9% to $11.2 billion and our adjusted OIBDA (the metric we use to measure profits) increased 19% to $3.1 billion, as compared to the first quarter of 2006.

Funny, no? I'm not bitter. Really, I'm not. This is the name of the game in the corporate world so while it is shocking, it's also not surprising at all. As of now, I am looking at it as a positive thing. While I was perfectly satisfied with this job at the time, it was not my dream job and not someplace I wanted to be for the rest of my professional life. So this could be the kick in the ass I have needed to break away for the better. I hope.

It's true, I have gotten used to the lifestyle this particular job has afforded me. I'm not referring to money in any way. I'm talking about my daily routine, going to the company gym in the morning, working with friends, playing on the department softball team, working great hours, etc. The disruption of those things is what will hurt more than anything else.

But I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Hopefully, this change will lead to something better directly, but even if it doesn't, I have faith that in the long run it will.

Who has time for mourning or bitterness? I'm out there again, baby! Let the bidding begin!

P.S. Don't get me wrong, I'm also scared shitless.

LAID OFF!

Wow, this is a new feeling. Mmmkay.

"This place is dead anyway."
--That guy in "Swingers"