Yes, Dear? NO, SIR!

I overheard a guy at the gym this morning say that he couldn't watch the NFL Playoffs and would not be able to watch the SuperBowl either because his wife has him out shopping with her, literally morning 'til night, and also has chores for him to do on Sunday. This was not a non-sports guy, this was a guy who was clearly interested in the outcome of the games and in watching. The worst part? He said it with a smile. He seemed to be proud as he detailed how his wife carries his balls in her purse.

I have a friend who was recently invited along with me to a free Laker game by one of the major vendors we work with and he said he would have to check with his wife before accepting. That seemed fine to me. It's perfectly reasonable to check with the wife first to make sure that the two of you don't have plans that perhaps you've forgotten about. Men forget about things so, of course, he should check to make sure. I was wrong. He wasn't checking with his spouse to see if he was free, he had to literally ask her for permission. And what did she say? NO! They didn't have plans or anything...he didn't forget about dinner with Bob & Martha Anderson from the Rotary Club, she just flat out didn't want him to go. It's just like the Stanford Prison Experiment, I tell ya! If you give a woman that kind of power over you, she is absolutely going to use it and, before long, abuse it!

These two examples are a small sample of the men I have encountered lately who are enslaved by their wives. And they all seem so damn happy about it! They seem proud to have handed over their pride and, dare I say, manhood to their whip-cracking wives. WHY MEN, WHY???!!!! WHYYYYYY???!?! Isn't marriage a partnership? What kind of a partnership has one partner dictating terms to the other? Who would be happy about a deal like that? Is that what marriage really is all about? Is that the key to long-lasting marital harmony? I certainly hope not because if it is, I am in for some tough times should I prove brave enough to tackle the vows of matrimony. Why do pre-nups have to only involve money? Could we add certain stipulations to a pre-nup that are beyond monetary value? I'm not saying that men should be able to watch sports whenever they want. Obviously, if a man and his wife are a team, you have to make certain sacrifices for the well being of the team. If a big game happens to fall on a day where you and the mrs. really need to hit the Home Depot to pick out tiles, then, okay, you might have to miss this one game. If she gets hammered at a bridal shower and needs you to pick her up in the last minute of overtime, sorry man, you just have to suck it up and take one for the team. Those are the compromises a man can be proud to make. But if the conflicting issue in question is that she wants to go shoe shopping(?!), I want it in my contract that I do not have to sacrifice something I am interested in to simply follow her around on her personal errands, holding her purse and practicing my Yes, Dear's.