Mallrat

I need a good old-fashioned shopping day.

(I could insert the obligatory caveat about materialism, what really makes one happy, bla bla bla.  Let's take a break from that type of thinking, shall we?  The best shopping days are an escape anyway.)

I could use one of those great days where you don't necessarily go hog wild, but you treat yourself.  Maybe you pull the trigger on that one thing you've been picking up and putting back down or visiting a few times a week online.  Maybe you don't just buy the shirt, but the pants, belt, and sweater to match.  And you stock up on some staples, retiring a few pairs of the old socks and underwear that have lost the elasticity of their youth.  Then there is the surprise, the hat or the scarf you're not sure you can actually pull off, but what the hell, you take the risk.  

No shopping day is complete without lunch.  On a day such as this perfect shopping day, I like to avoid the food court and go to that white linen place that looks a little too nice for a mall.  The temptation here would be to indulge in a beer or a glass of wine, but I will shock you when I say I would abstain.  You have to keep your energy up, not slow it down.  

It's late for the true go-getters, but a little holiday shopping in October is still ahead of the game, I say, which means the pressure is not yet dialed up.  You can relax and let the gift ideas come to you.  On a day like this, they usually do.  It's shopping as a crossword puzzle rather than a fever pitch scavenger hunt.  Isn't it great to knock out the toughest person on the list on a day where you're not even officially trying?  Your arm and hand strength is probably sapped what with all the bags you're carrying by now so why not make a run to the car.  You lighten your load, get some fresh air and head back in with renewed vigor.  

At this point, you splurge on a coffee and a chocolate (I'm a See's man, but I have no problem with your Godivas, your Leonidas).  You're worth it, damn it.  Then there is always that one last store, the one whose window display has been a splinter in your mind all day, but which you would only go into once you were done with everything else.  Well that time has come.  It's nice to find something new for the home too, I think, candle, pillow, whatever.  I have held back until now, but I will announce now that we've reached the home goods leg of the journey that I am a deft sale shopper.  My restraint in staking out price reductions is on par with legendary hunger strikes or spiritual fasts.  I will wait these stores out and then, when they lose heart and break, I strike like a cobra.  I find home goods can be the safest genres of sale shopping in that returns rarely come into play.

The great shopping day is capped off most enjoyably with the post-shopping movie.  The two were practically made for each other.  You're there, you've worked hard all day, but you're tired.  Why not rest and take in a flick?  Popcorn is mandatory, of course.  Something about the escapist vibe of the mall renders all but the most rudimentary of nutritional standards moot.

Yessir, there is nothing quite like the classic all American shopping day.  Say what you will about the conveniences and advantages of online shopping, which are valid, I agree, but you cannot compare it to the full sensory comfort of a great mall shopping day.