yikes

--I just saw footage of myself sprinting. Wow, that was an eye-opener. I run like a friggin' goofball! I run like Johnny Damon throws. Come to think of it, my running form reminds me a lot of Bengie Molina. At least it seems to generate more speed for me than it does for Bengie. Still, poetry in motion, I'm not.

--The Pottery Barn catalog is no longer allowed in my home. All it does is make me feel inadequate, reminding me of the house (and life) I will never have. And actually, I'm okay with that part. It's having the wife look at it and then look to me longingly for the same reasons. That's where we gotta nip it in the bud.

--"Even a broken clock is right twice a day..." So I am browsing the Nordstrom Anniversary sale for potential Christmas gifts (I swear) when I came across the summer suit of my dreams (okay so maybe i diverted momentarily), twinkling like the Griswold Family Christmas Tree. Based on the size, I thought for sure it was too small, but since size ain't nothing but a number, I figured I would just make sure. It fit. Like a glove. At least I thought so. But I thought I might be convincing myself it fit since I had instantly become smitten. So I waited for some help from the salesmen. And waited. And waited. There were only two of them and both were tied up with a couple of high maintenance guys. One of these customers was looking at the exact type of suit I am talking about and was smaller than me. He hadn't seen it yet so I walked back to the rack and picked it up, straight away. I saw he and his ladyfriend eyeing it in my hands, but I would not relent. So I stood around pretending to browse for a while. Then I made Nicole, with bad back, wait even longer. Finally, the troll gave up and moved on and his salesman was free. He agreed that it fit like a glove (and this is Nordstrom where I trust the suit salemen to be honest). After another half hour of fretting, we called the tailor, marked the pants and took care of the paperwork. It occurs to me I have been babbling on without yet telling you the best part, the only real point to the story....I got this summer suit of my dreams, this friggin' beauty, for--are you ready?--sixty-seven percent off. SIX-SEVEN. After getting absolutely abused on the airfare to Portland, this little retail miracle at least gives me hope that maybe there is a lucky yin to the cursed yang.

--I think I might have somehow become lactose intolerant. I'll spare you the details. This is upsetting because ever since I was a kid, there's been few things more satisfying than a taaaall glass of milk. If it's true, if I have crossed to the other side, I can only begin to grasp the reaches of the domino effect. Not gonna eat a brownie with soy milk. Not gonna eat a brownie, period. Cookies? Mac & Cheese? Say it ain't so!

--Anybody heard anything about what caused that Southwest plane to tear a hole in itself last week? Just curious since we're flying Southwest in a couple days. I'm sure it's fine. Uh huh, right.

--I need to post more cat pictures. I've got two of the cuter, more interesting cats in the continental US and yet what kind of proud father am I that I never post pictures?