It's 4 a.m. and I'm wide awake

It could be a Jerry Maguire, mission statement kind of night if I had any burning issue inside of me, keeping me up. But no, I'm here to talk to you about pillows.

It occurs to me that a blog provides a great service to the blogger in that it listens to the things you want to say, but stop yourself from actually speaking to even a friend when you realize they are utterly uninteresting and insignificant if not pointless. For instance, on these pillows...

I have been unfairly persecuting my pillows. And I don't mean my buttocks although they have seen their share of unfounded flak too(I will now accept my bonus points for finding use of that great word). For days now, I have been blaming our pillows for the 11 times a night I wake up because my upper extremities have gone numb. They're too heavy, I've been saying, too dense. If I want to face your way, I have to put my arm under your pillow and it cuts off my blood flow. Newer, lighter pillows, I demand! I need what the astronauts use (whatever that means)! Pillows of the future, now!

Now through a stop-and-go series of uneven sleep tonight, I have had the opportunity to try several varying methods for arm placement. Each one has been found to be a comfortable, workable alternative to the sub-pillow system or so I thought each time before waking again with a sledgehammer for an arm. The good news is, I think my research has finally led me to a conclusion in keeping with the scientific method. The bad news is that I've realized I can't sleep with my arms above my head in any formation (all on the flat plane of the bed, mind you) and that just can't be healthy.

This has been a problem only recently so it's got to be something I'm doing differently. If I haven't crashed by then, I think I shall go running before work this morning to promote better circulation. If that doesn't do the trick, I may never sleep straight through the night again! Bring on the babies, 'cause apparently I'm ready!

I did see a great movie tonight in my sleep. I don't mean that as a throw-away metaphor. Sometimes I do have these dreams that are honest-to-goodness movies complete with cinematic narrative, visual techniques, inter-cutting, and soundtrack. Call it the rem show. Usually, two minutes after awakening, these movies have already become one of those you where you vaguely remember the players, but have to check imdb to fill in the major blanks. Tonight's show, I can still recall pretty clearly though. I won't describe it here since the power tale of The Pillow Chronicles is still undoubtedly resonating. I took some notes so maybe I will try to write it someday, see if I can make sense of it or if the movie dream becomes like most others in that you can describe them to the smallest detail, but it means cohesively zilch to anyone but you. At 4 a.m., anything seems possible.

Man, what a weird week. I had a period of four days or so where I just was not myself. I felt extraordinarily tired, detached, mentally foggy and humorless. My stomach was not right either. My theories ranged from the early stages of carbon monoxide poisoning (detector purchased!) to mononucleosis. And then, suddenly, I was fine. I woke up Wednesday morning and, while still tired (see persecuted pillows), I could tell that I had snapped out of whatever it was.

I think it had a lot to do with post-holiday depression. I get so high on the holidays for so long and then on January 2nd, it all comes crashing down. All the good cheer is gone and there are no more big parties or visits to look forward to, not immediately anyway. Suddenly, all the nagging issues of daily life or the bigger picture that are driven into the background by gift shopping, decorating, music, drinking, and all other things distinctly Holiday, come rushing back into full view like a flash flood. It was a day or so after I started questioning my purpose on this earth again that the physical fatigue and mental fog set in so maybe my body and brain's reaction to that was to shut down. That's the theory I'm going with anyway.

Sidebar: I think I've said it before but an Itunes shuffle has a hilarious way of bringing levity. Just when a person might start to take themselves too seriously and ponder their grand purpose (not necessarily a bad thing), Itunes jumps in and hits you with Notorius B.I.G. and R.Kelly's "F*ck You Tonight," a love song for the ages. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.....Thank you, Itunes!

Alright, it's no longer 4, it's now 5:30. Time to feed the cats and try to sneak in a few winks before this rumored running thing goes down. Wish me luck and I'll do the same for you.

Happy Friday.