I feel this way every single year and yet it still surprises me everytime. What is happening to us with respect to the concept of gift-giving?
I e-mailed my stepmom about what to get my dad for Christmas. I mentioned some of the things I was considering. I think I was looking for confirmation that they were fine ideas and/or insider information as to whether he already has one or what his size might be, etc etc. What I got was notification that they would be putting out a Christmas list and could I please send them one too. I realize that they mean well, but I really don't like this whole thing that seems to be so common now of putting out a list or exchanging lists. If I go buy you something from your list and you go buy me something off of mine, and we have a set date like Christmas in which we will make an exchange...where's the surprise in that? Where is the fun? "Oh look at that...it's the exact shirt from Banana Republic I linked everyone to in precisely the size and color I wanted. Thanks (checks card again), Dad." It makes no difference which gifts came from who! It's indistinguishable! Why don't we just save the gift wrap and buy something for ourselves instead? Obviously, that is not the idea behind giving gifts, especially at The Holidays, but if we're just exchanging lists, really, what's the difference?
How did it come to this? I think it's one part laziness (who has the time or energy to have to think of a gift on their own, right?) and two parts fear of getting someone something they don't like. I think we become so fixated on getting the right gift for someone that in doing so we lose the original principle of giving the gift in the first place. Isn't the thought what counts? If so, then we shouldn't be exchanging registries and checking things off like milk and butter off a grocery list; we should be sitting down and thinking about who we're buying for and what we think they might like or need. If we get it wrong, then we get it wrong. When receiving gifts, we should be appeciative of the thought that went into it, regardless of whether that thought was spot-on or miles off. Right? Isn't that what "it's the thought that counts" means?
Before I get up any higher on my soapbox I will admit that I made a list this year. I gave it to my grandma because I figured "respect your elders" outranked "it's the thought that counts" as far as axioms go. I realize my dad and stepmom are also my elders, but I am just not feeling good about Christmas going in this direction again.
14 comments:
AMEN!
Not only that-- when did gift giving become this thing u had to spend a TON of money on? I remember when my mom would give me 15 bucks or a 20 and say "buy her a CD." Now it's like "do I get her the DVD portable player or the box set of season 1?"
I hear ya...I have to kick myself every year when I find myself thinking I have to spend X on this person so I also have to spend X on that person. Sometimes the perfect gift costs more, sometimes it costs less, right? Sometimes you're po' and you have to get the perfect gift that won't bankrupt you.
I think technology has to do with it...you can send practically everyone your list and most of the stuff, while just sitting at a computer, can be ordered by the double-click of a mouse.
The element of surprise and the toils of the guessing game have gone wayside with the easy list-distributer and present-orderer that is the internet.
Definitely, the technology enables the laziness. File it under "ways technology helps us in some ways and hurts us in others."
If it is used simply as a ballpark estimate or a direction as you say, I think that's not as bad...BUT isn't there that unspoken reaction of "This wasn't on my list. Did you get that memo?"
The whole thing is fucked. I am MAKING gifts for everyone this year. Ok, not really, but I think that would be a fun way to go one year...or to give it a theme or something. Now I am just rambling.
"The List" has always been around...but now it seems like they are being sent unsolicited.
Am I wrong?!
They have been around forever...but The List is forgiven when you are a kid. Not only are they being sent unsolicited, but they are being used as a crutch by those asking for them and they are killing the spirit of giving!!
Funny story...a couple years ago when my grandma asked me for my list, I sent it via e-mail and I took the liberty of copying my dad on it even though he had not asked me for such a list. He flipped out much the same way that I am now...sparked by the mention of the exact same sort of list from he and evie. Now we know it is spreading!
I will do you one better, Jay believes this to the extreme. He won't even tell me what he wants. Not even ballpark. He figures that I know him well enough to find something to get him. And if it's not exactly what he wanted, so what? It's the thought that counts and he can go out and buy himself the exact item he craved.
YES. I embrace this policy! I think this is a policy that is probably (hopefully) true in most couples...even couples who might use lists with other people. All gift giving and receiving should work as it does between lovers.
John, I think you (and Joe) are some of the most exceptional gift givers I know and consistently give creative and thoughtful gifts. Most people are not like this and (I think) appreciate the structure that a list provides. Personally, I like lists because they give a jumping off point for people who want to give thoughtful gifts.
You recently used a list for your birthday. How many people used to jump off and get you something else and how many people got you something directly from the list?
I've been know to be a giver. (Ladies, that's a "wink, wink"...)
Sadly, not many, but a few did.
Did anybody get you the "Commies aren't cool" t-shirt? I hope so.
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