The Unwritten Rules of Working in an Office

1) Despite what the official dress code stipulates, it says here that it is NOT acceptable to wear sweatpants to work.

2) NEVER make a bag of microwave popcorn prior to getting written approval from all colleagues in the immediate vicinity of your cubicle/office.

3) If you kill the joe, you make some mo'!

4) At the end of a department meeting when the boss says "Are there any questions," never, under ANY circumstances ask a question. In fact, anything more than complete and utter silence is punishable by stoning.

5) Do NOT e-mail your friends a link to something that promises to be a cell phone conversation of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan talking dirty which will require their computer to be turned to full volume but is really an audio file that screams "I love gay porn!" (I had a friend who did this. Once.)

6) Fantasy sports is without exception more important than any memo, e-mail, or phone call.

7) If my ears are bleeding from a phone conversation you are having three doors down, you may be talking a bit too loud.

8) Ladies first? Ha! This is the corporate world, sucka. Equal opportunities, bitch!

9) You can take all the twenty-minute breaks you want...as long as you use them to smoke.
(I don't smoke so this one really chaps my ass)

10) When encountering a person you have nothing in common with but are socially required to speak to, always say "Is it Friday yet?"

I can't take it! It's too much! LOL!

Cruiser just phoned in with this report...

He was behind a car bearing the following bumper sticker:

"How many lives for every gallon?"

The type of car? A Hummer.

LOL!!!!!


Scott speculates that someone probably slapped that sticker on the vehicle without the owner realizing it. That's probably true, although less funny.

"Actually a nice little Saturday..."

There is obviously a lot to be said for getting out and doing things, being active, experiencing the culture, taking advantage of the many recreational options, etc. But sometimes doing absolutely nothing has equal rewards. Last weekend was a weekend to do nothing. Watched a couple movies, 13 episodes of season 2 of "24," some sports, quick trip to the mall, but mostly nothing. It was wonderful. And inexpensive which is nice.

Speaking of "24," aka the best show on television, Kim Bauer is hot, but she has to be the biggest bad luck charm in the history of womankind. Whenever she's around, people die. It's that simple. No thank you.

I am very unhappy with this new scent of deodorant. It smells like cheap, cheesy cologne. Aqua Velva armpits. Not ideal.

I opened a bottle of wine I got at the famed BevMo sale the other night. It was terrible, but I drank it anyway. I think there has been maybe one bottle that was ever so bad as to not be drinkable.

They made Schindler's List, Life is Beautiful about the holocaust. They made Tora, Tora, Tora and Pearl Harbor about Pearl Harbor. So why is United 93 so grotesquely offensive to me? Is it just too soon? Is it because September 11th was the only one of the mentioned disasters that I lived through? Am I alone in my sick feeling about this movie?

We went golfing for Scott's birthday!

A vicious storm and a blanket of fog would have dismayed a less brave group of golfers. This one played through (13 anyway).

The birthday boy lets the big dog eat. Notice how lovely the weather was on Hole 1.

I don't get it...

How did Tom Cruise go from one of the biggest, most-loved movie stars on the planet to one of the most hated and ridiculed? I understand that the scientology stuff is weird, but hasn't he been a scientologist for years now? Did the jumping-on-Oprah's-couch thing really spark this whole thing? Why? If Julia Roberts had jumped on Oprah's couch yelling how much she loved James Van Der Beek, would it have had the same negative affect?

This is what happens when guys ride their bikes to work...

Your friends take the liberty of adding a few upgrades....This is my friend's bike....and he got what he deserved.

Not just streamers, Princess streamers.

No shame in training.

Help Wanted

So my two college roommates are coming out here for 7-10 days in late July from New York. To the best of my knowledge, this will be their first trip to LA/SoCal. I think we're gonna go to Vegas for a couple days, but other than that, I need to think of some LA-ish things that a first-timer would really enjoy. Any suggestions? I'd appreciate any help.

I Friggin' Love Weddings

I do. I do. Okay, you're married. Oh. Shit.

Seriously, are you allowed to get married these days without cute kids in the ceremony? What if you're family doesn't have any? Can you rent?

Like R. Kelly once said, after the party it's the afterparty...

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry.....hhhhhhhuuuhhhhmmmm.....

A rabid rebounder, I snagged the garter from a snarling pack of fellow bachelors.

The reception was in this courtyard. Our rooms can be seen in the background. That proximity would later come in quite handy.

Rugs were cut.