The Unwritten Rules of Working in an Office

1) Despite what the official dress code stipulates, it says here that it is NOT acceptable to wear sweatpants to work.

2) NEVER make a bag of microwave popcorn prior to getting written approval from all colleagues in the immediate vicinity of your cubicle/office.

3) If you kill the joe, you make some mo'!

4) At the end of a department meeting when the boss says "Are there any questions," never, under ANY circumstances ask a question. In fact, anything more than complete and utter silence is punishable by stoning.

5) Do NOT e-mail your friends a link to something that promises to be a cell phone conversation of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan talking dirty which will require their computer to be turned to full volume but is really an audio file that screams "I love gay porn!" (I had a friend who did this. Once.)

6) Fantasy sports is without exception more important than any memo, e-mail, or phone call.

7) If my ears are bleeding from a phone conversation you are having three doors down, you may be talking a bit too loud.

8) Ladies first? Ha! This is the corporate world, sucka. Equal opportunities, bitch!

9) You can take all the twenty-minute breaks you want...as long as you use them to smoke.
(I don't smoke so this one really chaps my ass)

10) When encountering a person you have nothing in common with but are socially required to speak to, always say "Is it Friday yet?"