Seth and The Assface Predator

Remember our good buddy Seth (scroll down to 7/6)? You know, the guy from karaoke that sings the same song every week and is very, very impressed with himself. Him.

So we're there last night and Todd is talking to these two young women down in front, as Todd often does. They offered him one of their chicken wings to which he gladly accepted as any moral person would. They also asked Seth if he would care for a wing. Ya know what Seth said?

"No thanks, it'll screw up my vocals."

And he was serious. I shit you not. I guess I should really be thanking Seth for his sacrifice. I mean, people didn't come out to the show--er, bar--to hear Seth turn in a less-than-stellar performance now did they? Wait, that's right, they didn't come to hear Seth, period. I think it had something to do with the beverages they serve and the prospect of a good sing-a-long, but, hey, I've been wrong before. I'll bet the guy pre-partys the karaoke by sipping hot tea with honey. I can just see him schmoozing anyone of female or even questionable gender that they should really come out to one of his "gigs." Oh and did I mention that Seth is now sporting frosted tips that would make Ryan Seacrest envious? It's true. It was truly a sight to behold.

And then there was The Assface Predator. He's Seth's loyal, even more hateable sidekick. He suffers from the same dementia as Seth in that he has a repertoire of two songs that he feels are his own personal slice of fame if not true greatness. He likes people to call him Blue Jeans, probably because he is proud to wear those hideous uber-trendy jeans that have the gay little triangle flaps on the back pockets and fit as well as if they came from GapKids. I call him The Assface Predator. Why you ask? Because his face looks like an ass and everything that comes out of it sounds and smells like shit. On top of that, he's one of these guys that is very self-conscious when he speaks, like an actor overdoing it in front of a mirror. By that I mean he is ridiculously expressive and animated in even the most casual of conversation. This dry heave of expression only makes his assfacedness even more unsightly, much like the creature from the movie "Predator" when it takes screams with it's crab-leg mouth fully opened. Thus the name, Assface Predator.

So The Assface Predator swooped in and c-blocked Todd in a fashion unseen since teenage summer camp. Todd did not back down, of course, but when Seth floated over to talk more about the degenerative fowl effects felt by his vocal cords, poor Todd was simply outnumbered and out-douched. He returned to our table and I told him he should respect himself too much to try again with the broads. He agreed and that was that.

Zach made an interesting observation...We've been going to this place for well over a year. We're definitely considered regulars. Yet among the other regulars, we are outcasts. The rest of them all intermingle, chatting and hugging and what not. They don't even acknowledge us as having been there before much less be friendly to us. What did we ever to do them? All we do is cheer for their songs (even when it's the 1,500th time we've heard it) and write scathing blog entries about them later. I mean, where's the love?

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Do you have any idea how difficult it is to eat soup with a plastic spoon? They're just impossibly small. It could be used as a field sobriety test.