Checkin' In

I haven't posted in the last few days because, in light of developing health issues in the family, it just didn't seem appropriate. But I can't just sit here either. So what else are blogs for...

--Loving daylight savings time. It's almost like having two days in one. I drive home and I can actually see the water again. I can open the sunroof and get the wind whipping through. When I get home, I am compelled not to lay on the couch and sip soup, but to play music and grill meat. The weeknights feel like weekends, a celebratory spirit in the air. The only drawback is that when I would normally go running in the morning, it is now still quite dark. Unless I am training to fight Apollo Creed, I don't run in the dark. Also, it is still so friggin' cold (no offense, new yorkers)! I am sick of losing feeling in my hands when I run and really tired of coughing up lord knows what every morning. This does not happen when it's warm.

--Do you ever feel like you know there is a part of you that exists but you have no clue how to access it?

--Val's blog (as linked on the right sidebar) is titled "In the Moment." It occurs to me lately what a strange and difficult this concept is. One of my greatest personal challenges is to be in the moment as often as I should. Unfortunately, I think I often fail. I get wrapped up in the next thing or the last thing, I lose the things presently right in front of my face. It's a vicious cycle because when I realize I missed something, I focus on it and feel guilty about it and next thing I know I missed something else in the meantime. Maybe this is part of why I enjoyed that improv class so much, it was definitively immediate. There was no room for inner turmoil or daydreaming. If you drifted from anything but the utmost attention to the moment, you fell behind and had no chance of catching up. I know this is maddeningly vague, but I'm really not withholding any specifics. I wish I could freeze time. That way I could do all the things I want to do and be all the things I want to be without any sacrifice. I could stop "the moment" from passing until I was certain I had done it right. Until I become Evie from "Out of This World" though I guess I will have to just try to do a better job of maximizing my real time potential.

Say what a great opportunity to post another relevant Jackson Browne song!

Alive in the World by Jackson Browne

I want to live in the world, not inside my head
I want to live in the world, I want to stand and be counted
With the hopeful and the willing
With the open and the strong
With the voices in the darkness
Fashioning daylight out of song
And the millions of lovers
Alive in the world
I want to live in the world, not behind some wall
I want to live in the world, where I will hear if another voice should call
To the prisoner inside me
To the captive of my doubt
Who among his fantasies harbors the dream of breaking out
And taking his chances
Alive in the world
To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world
With its beauty and its cruelty
With its heartbreak and its joy
With it constantly giving birth to life and to forces that destroy
And the infinite power of change
Alive in the world
To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world
To open my eyes and wake up alive in the world
To open my eyes and fully arrive in the world