Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Whenever I feel old, I try to remember how many things I haven't figured out yet and that makes me feel bad about something else instead.

I feel like I should say something.

If only I knew what it was.  I like this idea you hear writers talk about, their "daily pages," a way to just keep the muscles from atrophying.  I don't think daily pages are usually posted online, and I don't fashion myself a writer anyway, but what the hell, this is easier for me than a Google doc.

Lately it's been bothering me how there's never enough time for anything.  Or rather, there's never enough time to do anything right.

I have a job, I want to be good at it.  I try to work out regularly to improve fitness and feel good physically.  I want to watch one or two TV shows so I can have something to talk about with other humans.  I need to practice acting (by way of acting class) because it brings me the joy of being present and unthinking.  My God, there are so many books I want to read, ones already sitting on my shelf and others adding pages to my Amazon wish list.  I have a beautiful wife, great friends, and a big family, and I want to spend time with them and be a part of their lives.  I have a garden I need to cultivate and maintain.  There are places in this city, this state, this country, and this world that I have never explored and am very curious to visit.  I enjoy cooking, which requires more time than it should because I'm not terribly proficient at it.  I like to keep a clean home, which necessitates cleaning (vicious circle).  Every 3,000 miles or so, my car needs its oil changed, its tires rotated.  And some days, I really like to do nothing at all.

It pains me the things I am not getting to at any given time.  It's not like I can even take it one or two things at a time.  Nothing above can be neglected or saved for later.  There's just not enough damn time to do it all (Except work, which always gets 110%.  Hello, Boss).

Basically, I feel like Brennan Huff sitting in his required therapy sessions asking, "What happens when there's inclement weather?  Where do you...?  What do you wear?"

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