Dear Seth and Laura From Karaoke Night,

It's time to pick a new fucking song. Really really really time. Laura, you own "Black Velvet." Alannah Myles, eat your heart out because the song is now Laura's. You're a goddess of song when you rock this thing! Seth, Bon Jovi wishes he could sing "I'll Be There For You" half as well as you do, all five minutes and forty-six seconds of it. Man, you truly dominate it. Seth and Laura, I don't know what your day jobs are, but you're both professional songbirds in my mind.

There, have I stroked your egos enough? Are you now satisfied that you've proven to everyone in the bar that you can sing? Can we all finally move on now? I mean, let me drop the sarcasm for a second--you guys really are good singers....BUT SING SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! It's been over a year!

I think I speak sincerely for everyone,

John

Friends, please don't think I'm being rash. As a karaoke connoisseur, I think there is something to be said for someone who sings the same song every week. It's someone making a statement about who they are, what they stand for (I am Neil Diamond's "Love on the Rocks," Karaoke DJ Frankie Dee IS "Don't Stop Believin"). It can become a fun staple of the show. That only works though if the singer isn't completely full of themself. It's a fine, but very boldly defined line. Seth and Laura are standing nowhere near it. They are tipping the scales on the side of obnoxious to be frank. It's easy to see this is not lighthearted sing-song fun to them. It drips in vibrant color like fresh graffitti--they think of themselves as stars giving their adoring fans what they want to hear. There is a line from a John Mayer song that sums it up nicely: "She thinks I can't see the smile that she's fakin' and poses for pictures that aren't being taken." Seth goes so far as to say before his song starts, "Sing along if you know it." "If I know it," Seth?! You've been singing it every g_damn week for 75 weeks! How could I possibly NOT know it?

The good news is that whenever they show up, it makes for a great time to go to the bathroom or to the bar for a refill. I hope they recognize my absence as a symbol of silent protest. Then again if they had the consideration to notice that, we'd never have ended up in this predicament in the first place.